My Stupid Acts

Posts Tagged ‘women’

A very traditional elderly woman was enjoying a good game of bridge with her girlfriends one evening. Viagra prescription “Oh, no! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband! He’s going to really ticked if it’s not ready on time!” she exclaimed suddenly.

When she got home, she realized that she didn’t have enough time to go to the supermarket, and all she had in the cupboard was a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food. In a panic, she opened the can of cat food, stirred in the egg, and garnished it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband pulled up.

She greeted her husband and then watched in horror as he sat down to his dinner. To her surprise, the husband really enjoyed his dinner. “Darling, this is the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage. You can make this for me any old day.”

Needless to say, every bridge night from then on, the woman made her husband the same dish. Levitra prescription She told her bridge cronies about it and they were all horrified.

“You’re going to kill him!” they exclaimed.

Two months later, her husband died.

The women were sitting around the table playing bridge when one of the cronies said, “You killed him! We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit there so calmly and play bridge knowing you murdered your husband?”

The wife stoically replied, “I didn’ t kill him. Purchase viagra He fell off the mantel while he was licking his butt.”

Two women go out one weekend without their husbands. As they came back, just before dawn, both of them drunk, they felt the urge to pee. Purchase viagra They noticed that the only place to stop was a cemetery. Scared and drunk, they stopped and decided to go there anyway. Viagra prescription

The first one did not have anything to blot herself with, so she took her panties off, used them and discarded them. The second, not finding anything either, thought “I’m not getting rid of my panties…” so she used the ribbon of a nearby flower wreath. Levitra prescription

The morning after, the two husbands were talking to each other on the phone, and one says to the other: “We have to be on the look-out; it seems that these two were up to no good last night, my wife came home without her panties…” The other one responded: “You’re lucky, mine came home with a card stuck to her butt that read, “We will never forget you.”

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says “I want the men to make two lines. Viagra prescription One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were whipped by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St Peter.”

Said and done, the next time God looks the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were whipped was 100 miles long, on the line of men that dominated women there was only one man.

God got mad and said. ” You men should be ashamed of yourselves. Levitra prescription Purchase viagra I created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud, Learn from him!” Tell them my son how did you manage to be the only one on that line?

The man said, “I don’t know. My wife told me to stand here.”

A woman pregnant with her first child paid a visit to her obstetrician’s office.

After the exam, she shyly said, “My husband wants me to ask you…,” to which the doctor replies, “I know, I know,” placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “I get asked that all the time. Levitra prescription Purchase viagra Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy.”

“No, that’s not it,” the woman confessed. Viagra prescription “He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn.”

This guy met a woman at a bar and she took him home to have sex. Afterwards w hen he is getting dressed, he sees a picture of some guy on her dresser.
He asks her who the picture is of and she replies, “Don’t worry about it.”
He then says, “Well is that your husband?”
She says that it is not. Viagra prescription Purchase viagra
“Well, is that your boyfriend?”
Again she says no. Levitra prescription
The guy then says, “Well then, who the hell is it?”
She replies, “It was me before my operation.”

A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.

During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.

The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! Purchase viagra She had the tickets in her hand.

Next, it was the husband’s turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, “Well, I’d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me.”

The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! Viagra prescription He was ninety. Levitra prescription

Man: I could go to the end of the world for you. Purchase viagra
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?
Man: I offer you myself.
Woman: I am sorry I never accept cheap gifts. Viagra prescription
Man: I want to share everything with you.
Woman: Let’s start from your bank account. Levitra prescription