My Stupid Acts

Posts Tagged ‘woman’

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub.

She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. Purchase viagra

W hen Levitra prescription he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face
close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard
which is full and bushy.

“Are you the landlord?” she asks, softly stroking his face with both
hands. Viagra prescription

“Actually, no” he replies.

“Can you get him for me – I need to speak to him?” she asks, running
her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.

“I’m afraid I can’t,” breathes the barman, clearly aroused.

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Yes there is. I need you to give him a message,” she continues
huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth.

“Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room.”

People say there is Purchase viagra no difference between COMPLETE & FINISH…

But there is. Levitra prescription Viagra prescription

When you marry the right one, you are COMPLETE ….

And when you marry the wrong one, you are FINISHED …..

!

!

!

!

!

!

And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are …

COMPLETELY FINISHED !

There was once a poor elderly black women that lived alone in a small run down house. Viagra prescription Everyday, after school, a little white boy would pass by and yell out racially insulting names to her. One day the little boy decided to hide under the elderly woman’s porch, in hopes of jumping out and seriously startling her to death. Instead he heard her praying. Purchase viagra “Dear God, I’m really hungry. I know you will have food on my door step tomorrow and I will do a dance for you with these old tired feet”.

The little white boy was maliciously ecstatic after hearing this, he had a plan.

The next day he gathered food from his home and told his friends to follow him when the school is over. He t old them the stupid Levitra prescription old black woman thinks God listens to her and she will do a dance so they all can laugh. The boy placed the food on her door step and they all hid under her porch.

The elderly black lady came out and saw the food. With glee, she said very loudly; “Lord, you are so mighty you answer all prayers. Not only did you send food as I prayed, but your powers are so mighty that you were able to make the devil bring it himself”.

An old lady and an old man are sitting in their retirement home. Levitra prescription

The man turns to the woman and says,”I bet you can’t tell how old I am.”

She says,”Okay.”

She then unzips his fly, feels around for a while and finally says, “You’re 83.”

“That’s amazing!” the man exclaims. Viagra prescription Purchase viagra “How did you know that?” he asks.

She replies, “You told me yesterday.”

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for Levitra prescription an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there’s a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position.

After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but only one position was available.

The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. “We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances,” they explained. “Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her.”

The man got a shocked look on his face and said, “You can’ t be serious! Viagra prescription I could never shoot my own wife!” Well,” said the CIA man, “you’re definitely not the right man for this job then.”

So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him a gun. “We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances,” they explained to the second man. “Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her.”

The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about five minutes, then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. “I tried to shoot her. I just couldn’t pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I’m not the right man for the job.”

“No,” the CIA man replied. “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go the hell home.”

Now they’re down to the woman left to test. Again they lead her to the same door and hand her the same gun. “We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances. This is your final test. Inside you will find your husb and sitting in Purchase viagra a chair. Take this gun and kill him.”

The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA heard the gun start firing, one shot after another, for 13 shots. Then they heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes, then all went quiet. The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman……. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks! I had to beat the son of a bitch to death with the chair!”

Once in a bus there was very crowd of people. Levitra prescription One woman sat at the place of bus driver but when the driver asked her to move from his seat, the woman answered ” You daily sit at this place. Viagra prescription Purchase viagra Today sit on any other place”

A man died and was taken to his place of eternal torment by the devil. Levitra prescription Purchase viagra

As he passed sulphurous pits and shrieking sinners, he saw a man he recognized as a lawyer snuggling up to a beautiful woman.

“That’s unfair!” he cried. “I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman.”

“Shut up”, barked the devil, jabbing the man with his pitchfork. Viagra prescription

“Who are you to question that woman’s punishment?”