My Stupid Acts

Posts Tagged ‘man’

People say there is Purchase viagra no difference between COMPLETE & FINISH…

But there is. Levitra prescription Viagra prescription

When you marry the right one, you are COMPLETE ….

And when you marry the wrong one, you are FINISHED …..

!

!

!

!

!

!

And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are …

COMPLETELY FINISHED !

A man was taken to court for stealing an item from a store. The man said
to the judge, “Your Honor, I’ m a Christian. Viagra prescription I’ ve become a new man. Purchase viagra But I
have and old nature also. Levitra prescription It was not my new man who did wrong. It was my
old man.”
The judge responded, “Since it was the old man that broke the law, we’ll
sentence him to 60 days in jail. And since the new man was an accomplice
in the theft, we’ll give him 30 days, too. I therefore sentence you both
to 90 days in jail.”

An old lady and an old man are sitting in their retirement home. Levitra prescription

The man turns to the woman and says,”I bet you can’t tell how old I am.”

She says,”Okay.”

She then unzips his fly, feels around for a while and finally says, “You’re 83.”

“That’s amazing!” the man exclaims. Viagra prescription Purchase viagra “How did you know that?” he asks.

She replies, “You told me yesterday.”

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for Levitra prescription an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there’s a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position.

After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but only one position was available.

The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. “We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances,” they explained. “Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her.”

The man got a shocked look on his face and said, “You can’ t be serious! Viagra prescription I could never shoot my own wife!” Well,” said the CIA man, “you’re definitely not the right man for this job then.”

So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him a gun. “We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances,” they explained to the second man. “Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her.”

The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about five minutes, then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. “I tried to shoot her. I just couldn’t pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I’m not the right man for the job.”

“No,” the CIA man replied. “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go the hell home.”

Now they’re down to the woman left to test. Again they lead her to the same door and hand her the same gun. “We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances. This is your final test. Inside you will find your husb and sitting in Purchase viagra a chair. Take this gun and kill him.”

The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA heard the gun start firing, one shot after another, for 13 shots. Then they heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes, then all went quiet. The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman……. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks! I had to beat the son of a bitch to death with the chair!”

There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money and was a real miser when it came to his money.

He loved money more than just about anything.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, “Now listen. When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. Viagra prescription I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.

He made her promise with all her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.

When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, “Wait just a minute!’ She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away. Purchase viagra So her friend said, “Girl, I know you weren’t fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband!”

She said, “Listen, I’m a Christian. I can’t go back on my word. Levitra prescription I promised him that I was gonna put that money in that casket with him.

“You mean to tell me you really put that money in the casket with him!?

“I sure did,” said the wife. “I wrote him a check.”

Never Underestimate The Intelligence of a Woman.

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. Levitra prescription Viagra prescription As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and yells, “PIG!!”

The man immediately leans out his window and replies, “BITCH!!”

They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. Purchase viagra