My Stupid Acts

Posts Tagged ‘love’

There was a man who worked all of his life and saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, “Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife.”
So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.
Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said “Wait just a minute!”
She had a shoe box with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away. Her friend said, “I hope you weren’t crazy enough to put all that money in the casket.”
“Yes,” the wife said, “I promised. I’m a good Christian, I can’t lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.”
“You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?”
“I sure did. I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check.”

teacher trying to teach good manners:

asked her students:

1st. Micheal if youwere on a date having dinner with a nice yound lady how would you tell her that you have to go to the washroom

Micheal: Just a mint i have to go to pee”

Teacher: that would be rude and impolite. Levitra prescription Viagra prescription

how about u SAM?

SAM said ” i really need to go to the toilet”

teacher ” thats better but still not nice to say word toilet”

Teacher” Oh you little johnny can you use your brain ?

johnny said: Darling may i please be excused for a movement Purchase viagra ? i have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine whom i hope to introduce you after dinner”

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus full of old aged pensioners when he Levitra prescription is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.

She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on the shoulder again and she hands the driver another handful of peanuts. Viagra prescription Purchase viagra

When she is about to hand him another batch again, he asks her “Why don’t you eat the peanuts?”

“We can’t chew them because we have no teeth”, she replied.

“We just love the chocolate around them.”

There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money and was a real miser when it came to his money.

He loved money more than just about anything.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, “Now listen. When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. Viagra prescription I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.

He made her promise with all her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.

When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, “Wait just a minute!’ She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away. Purchase viagra So her friend said, “Girl, I know you weren’t fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband!”

She said, “Listen, I’m a Christian. I can’t go back on my word. Levitra prescription I promised him that I was gonna put that money in that casket with him.

“You mean to tell me you really put that money in the casket with him!?

“I sure did,” said the wife. “I wrote him a check.”

Never Underestimate The Intelligence of a Woman.

?Five rules of girls
1: Love me but don’t touch me
2: Touch me but don’t kiss me
3: Kiss me but don’t use me
4: Use me but don’t forget me
5: Forget me but don’t tell to anyone! Levitra prescription Purchase viagra

1 day
You’ll be surprised
to see me
beside you. Purchase viagra
you and me
laughing. Levitra prescription Viagra prescription
You and me
crying,
You and me
dreaming,
You and me
hugging,
You and me …….
Just you and me sitting in a mental hospital:
Me visiting you

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into Levitra prescription his office
alone.

He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe
disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don’t do the
following, your husband will surely die.

Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and
make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a
nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner, prepare
an especially nice meal Viagra prescription for him. Don’t burden him with
chores, as this could
further his stress.

Don’t discuss your problems with him; it will only make his
stress worse. Purchase viagra Try to relax your husband in the evening by
wearing lingerie and giving him plenty of backrubs. Encourage
him to watch some type of team sporting event on television.
And most importantly, make love with your husband several
times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this
for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will
regain his health.

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, “What did the
doctor say?”

“You’re going to die,” she replied.