My Stupid Acts

Posts Tagged ‘job’

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for Levitra prescription an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there’s a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position.

After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but only one position was available.

The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. “We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances,” they explained. “Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her.”

The man got a shocked look on his face and said, “You can’ t be serious! Viagra prescription I could never shoot my own wife!” Well,” said the CIA man, “you’re definitely not the right man for this job then.”

So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him a gun. “We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances,” they explained to the second man. “Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her.”

The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about five minutes, then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. “I tried to shoot her. I just couldn’t pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I’m not the right man for the job.”

“No,” the CIA man replied. “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go the hell home.”

Now they’re down to the woman left to test. Again they lead her to the same door and hand her the same gun. “We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances. This is your final test. Inside you will find your husb and sitting in Purchase viagra a chair. Take this gun and kill him.”

The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA heard the gun start firing, one shot after another, for 13 shots. Then they heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes, then all went quiet. The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman……. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks! I had to beat the son of a bitch to death with the chair!”

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job. Levitra prescription Viagra prescription Purchase viagra

The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks “What do two plus two equal?” The mathematician replies “Four.” The interviewer asks “Four, exactly?” The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says “Yes, four, exactly.”

Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question “What do two plus two equal?” The accountant says “On average, four – give or take ten percent, but on average, four.”

Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question “What do two plus two equal?” The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says, “What do you want it to equal”?

Sardarji saw two Pakistani workers in Karachi. One of them dig a hole, and the other guy immediately fill it with soil again. Viagra prescription They repeated the work again and again.

Sardarji couldn’t understand their job. He asked the Pakistanis about it. Purchase viagra

Paki Worker replied: The third guy who plants the trees in holes is on leave today, & we are doing our duty. Levitra prescription

Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings. They did it by killing all those who opposed them.

If you can stay calm while all around you there’s chaos, then you probably haven’t completely understood the seriousness of the situation.

Doing a job right the first time gets the job done. Doing the job wrong 14 times gives you job security.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity. Levitra prescription

A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself. Purchase viagra

Hang in there, retirement is only 30 years away!

Go the extra mile. Viagra prescription It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.

A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.

When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.

Indecision is the key to flexibility.

Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.

A man who isn’t qualified keeps pestering this tailor about giving him a job selling suits. Purchase viagra Finally, the owner tells him if he can sell this one green suit he will give him a job.

Another employee points out to owner that they have had that suit on the rack for four years, and that it is such an ugly, green suit that nobody would ever buy it.

The owner replies, “Yeah, I know. That’s my way of getting rid of that pest!”

Two hours later the new guy calls his boss for his next assignment.

The owner cannot believe it and heads down to the store to see how this fellow did it. Upon arrival he sees his new salesman bleeding, scratched, and his clothes torn in several places, but smiling.

“Congratulations, the job is yours! Nobody has come close to selling that old, ugly, green suit. Levitra prescription

But tell me, what in the world happened to you?”

“Well, replied the salesman, the guy that bought the suit loved it… said it fit him great. Viagra prescription

As far as my injuries go, he had this really sensitive seeing-eye dog!”

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. Levitra prescription The officer asks her some questions:

Officer: What’s 2 + 2?

Blonde: Ummm… 4!

Officer: What’s the square root of 100 ?

Blonde: Ummm… 10!

Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?

Blonde: Ummm… I dunno.

Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Purchase viagra Come back tomorrow.

The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. Viagra prescription

The blonde replies excitedly, “Not only did I get the job, I’m already working on a murder case!”