My Stupid Acts

Posts Tagged ‘guy’

A silly tourist asked a boat guy:

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do you know Biology, Psychology, Geography, Geology ?

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The boat guy said:

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NO to all the questions.

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The tourist then said:

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What the hell you know on the face of this earth ? You will die of illiteracy !!

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After a while, the boat started sinking, so the boatman asked the tourist :

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Do you know Swimology and Escapology from Crocodilogy ?

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The tourist said: NO !!

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The boat guy replied:

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Well you will Drownology and Crocodilogy will eat your Bodiology and you will Dieology because of your Badmouthology :

A married couple was invited to a Halloween party. That night, as they were getting ready to go out, the wife said she had developed a migraine headache and had to stay home. Viagra prescription Purchase viagra She told her husband to go to the party without her. Levitra prescription ‘Don’t let me spoil a good time for you,’ she said. After further discussion, the husband put his costume on and went to the party. The wife took some aspirin and went to bed.

After sleeping for a while, she woke feeling much better and decided to go to the party and surprise her husband. As she was getting ready, she thought to herself, ‘I wonder what my husband really does when I’m not around.’ She then got into a different costume, so her husband wouldn’t recognize her, and went to the party. Getting there, she stood off to the side and watched. There was her husband dancing with one girl after another and getting very physical with them. She decided to see just how far he would go. She went up to him and started dancing with him, got very close and whispered that they should go outside.

Going to one of the cars, they made love. Prior to the midnight unmasking, she left and went home to wait for her husband to return so she could confront him. He arrived home about 1:00 a.m. and climbed into bed. She sat up and asked ‘Well, how was the party?’

He replied, ‘It was no fun without you honey.’

She said, ‘I don’t believe you. I bet you had lots of fun!’

He replied, ‘Really, Honey. When I got to the party, some of the guys and I got bored and we went downstairs and played poker all night.

But you know, that guy I loaned my costume to had one hell of a great time.’

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. Purchase viagra “Cold floors,” he says. They nod and send him away. Viagra prescription Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, “Bad food.” They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. “I quit,” he says. “That’s not surprising,” the elders say. Levitra prescription “You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here.”

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. Viagra prescription He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. Levitra prescription The man says, “I’m sending out one thousand Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?’”

“But why?” asks the man. Purchase viagra

“I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replies.

A guy walks into a bar and sits down. He starts dialing numbers like there’s a telephone in his hand, then puts his palm up against his cheek and begins talking.

Suspicious, the bartender walks over and tells him this is a very tough neighborhood and he doesn’t need any trouble here. Viagra prescription

The guy says, “You don’t understand. I’m very hi-tech. I had a phone installed in my hand because I was tired of carrying the cellular.”

The bartender says “Prove it.”

The guy dials up a number and hands his hand to the bartender. The bartender talks into the hand and carries on a conversation. “That’s incredible!” says the bartender. “I would never have believed it!” “Yeah”, said the guy, “I can keep in touch with my broker, my wife, you name it.

By the way, where is the men’s room?” The bartender directs him to the men’s room.

The guy goes in and 5, 10, 20 minutes go by and he doesn’t return. Fearing the worst given the neighborhood, the bartender goes into the men’s room to check on the guy.

The guy is spread-eagled up against the wall. Purchase viagra His pants are pulled down and he has a roll of toilet paper up his butt. Levitra prescription

“Oh my god!” said the bartender. ” Did they rob you ? Are you hurt?”

The guy turns and says: “No, no, I’m ok. I’m just waiting for a fax.”

There was an office worker named John, who was the most positive guy in the whole world. Purchase viagra Every time anyone said something negative, John would always say, “It could have been worse.”
One day, John’s coworkers all got together and decided to come up with a scenario so bad that John couldn’t say that it could have been worse. Levitra prescription

When John arrived at work that day, one of his coworkers asked him, “John did you hear what happened to Sam last night?”

John replied, “No, what?”

The coworker replied, ” When Sam got home last night, he found his wife in bed with another man. Viagra prescription Sam shot the man, his wife, and then turned the gun on himself.”

John replied, “Well, it could have been worse.”

In disgust the coworker replied, “Now how could that have been any worse?”

John replied, “Because if it had been the night before, he would have shot me!”

A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the f Purchase viagra acilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. Levitra prescription The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business. Viagra prescription

The CEO walks up the guy and asks, “And how much money do you make a week?”

Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, “I make $200 a week. Why?”

The CEO then hands the guy $200 in cash and screams, “Here’s a week’s pay, now get out, you slacker, and don’t come back!”

Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, “Can anyone tell me what that man’s job title was?”

All at once the other co-workers said, “Pizza delivery guy!”