My Stupid Acts

Posts Tagged ‘girlfriend’

A very traditional elderly woman was enjoying a good game of bridge with her girlfriends one evening. Viagra prescription “Oh, no! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband! He’s going to really ticked if it’s not ready on time!” she exclaimed suddenly.

When she got home, she realized that she didn’t have enough time to go to the supermarket, and all she had in the cupboard was a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food. In a panic, she opened the can of cat food, stirred in the egg, and garnished it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband pulled up.

She greeted her husband and then watched in horror as he sat down to his dinner. To her surprise, the husband really enjoyed his dinner. “Darling, this is the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage. You can make this for me any old day.”

Needless to say, every bridge night from then on, the woman made her husband the same dish. Levitra prescription She told her bridge cronies about it and they were all horrified.

“You’re going to kill him!” they exclaimed.

Two months later, her husband died.

The women were sitting around the table playing bridge when one of the cronies said, “You killed him! We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit there so calmly and play bridge knowing you murdered your husband?”

The wife stoically replied, “I didn’ t kill him. Purchase viagra He fell off the mantel while he was licking his butt.”

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!

There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when quite near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome and didn’t really want to overcome. Viagra prescription

She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn’t say a word.

She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me.” I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. Levitra prescription I walked straight towards my car.

My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.”

The moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car! Purchase viagra

teacher trying to teach good manners:

asked her students:

1st. Micheal if youwere on a date having dinner with a nice yound lady how would you tell her that you have to go to the washroom

Micheal: Just a mint i have to go to pee”

Teacher: that would be rude and impolite. Levitra prescription Viagra prescription

how about u SAM?

SAM said ” i really need to go to the toilet”

teacher ” thats better but still not nice to say word toilet”

Teacher” Oh you little johnny can you use your brain ?

johnny said: Darling may i please be excused for a movement Purchase viagra ? i have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine whom i hope to introduce you after dinner”

Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day, at a very smart jeweller’s shop in Hatton Garden, London. Viagra prescription

The jeweller inquired, ‘Would you like your girlfriend’s name engraved on it?’

Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, ‘No, instead engrave “To my one and only love”.’
The jeweller smiled and said, ‘Yes, sir; how very romantic of you.’

Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, ‘Not exactly romantic, but very practical. Levitra prescription Purchase viagra This way, if we break up, I can use it again.’

My sweet girlfriend had habit of biting her fingernails. Levitra prescription Viagra prescription She started doing YOGA to treat the problem. Soon her finger-nails started growing normally. Purchase viagra

Seeing this, I asked if yoga had totally cured her problem.

“No,” she replied with a funny sweet smile, “but now I can reach my toe-nails so I bite them instead.”