My Stupid Acts

Posts Tagged ‘Dog’

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and both lids lifted.

3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. Levitra prescription

Note: You may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape. Viagra prescription

CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body
too close to the edge, as his paws will be
reaching out for any surface they can find.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a “power wash and rinse” which I have found to be quite effective.

6. Have someone to open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he Purchase viagra will dry himself.

Sincerely,
the Dog

“A friend has a shaggy dog and couldn’t seem to get the electronic dog collar to work.  He put the collar on himself and told his wife to push the button when he got about 1/4 mile away.  He would let her know he was ready when he blew the car horn.  Upon hearing the horn she pressed the button. Levitra prescription   This startled him so that he pushed his foot on the gas as well as his hand on the horn and ended up in the ditch.  Because the horn kept sounding, he wife faithfully kept pushing the button.  Of course it turned out the collar worked perfectly after all.  He finally threw himself out of the car and rolled around in the field. Viagra prescription Purchase viagra   When the horn stopped blowing, he wife stopped pressing the button.”

A dog is so smart that his master Purchase viagra decides to send him to college.
Home for vacation, his master asks him how college is going.
“Well”, says the dog, “I’m not doing too great in science and math, but I have made a lot of progress in foreign languages.”
“Really!” says the master. Levitra prescription Viagra prescription “Say something in a foreign language.”
The dog says, “Meow ! “

A guy and his dog go into a barroom. The bartender says, “Hey, get that dog out of here… we don’t allow dogs in here.”
Wait a minute, the guy says, “This is no ordinary dog ! This is ‘Plato’ the talking dog !”
“Yeah, sure” says the bartender.
I’ll prove it to you,” says the guy. “Plato… what’s on top of a building?”
“ROOF !” says the dog. Levitra prescription
“Look,” says the bartender, “just how dumb do you think I am?”
“Wait a minute,” says the guy. “Plato, how does sandpaper feel?”
“RUFF !” says the dog.
“Do I have ‘stupid’ tattooed across my forehead or something,” says the bartender. “Now get that dog out of here! ”
“Wait.. I’m not through”, says the guy. “Plato, who was the greatest baseball player of all time?”
“RUTH !” says the dog.
“That does it !! ” says the bartender, and he throws Viagra prescription them both out on the street. Purchase viagra
Outside, the dog looks at his owner and says, “Do you think I should have gone with DiMaggio?”

A dog and his master went to the movies together and was shown to their seat by the theater usher.  When the picture was over, the dog applauded loudly.  As they were leaving the theater the usher says, “I see that your dog really enjoyed the movie.”
“Very much,” the dog’s master replied. Levitra prescription Viagra prescription
“That’s amazing!” the usher said. Purchase viagra
“I think so, too… especially since he didn’t care for the book too much.”

. . . She’ s dragging a wet rabbit on a lea Purchase viagra sh. The rabbit does NOT want to be there. Levitra prescription “Sit, Fluffy,” she says.  Fluffy glares at her, and sopping wet, jumps up on another customer’s lap, getting water all over him.

“I said SIT, now there’s a good Fluffy,” says the woman, slightly embarrassed. Fluffy, wet already, squats in the middle of the room and pees. Viagra prescription

The woman, mortally embarrassed, shouts, “Goddamn it Fluffy, will you be good?!” Fluffy then starts a fight with a Doberman and pursues it out of the office. As the woman leaves to go after it, she turns to the rest of the flabbergasted customers and says:

“Pardon me, I’ve just washed my hare, and can’t do a thing with it!”

Chester and Earl are going hunting. Chester says to Earl, “I’ll send my dog out to see if there are any ducks out in the pond. If there aren’t any ducks out there, I’m not going hunting.”

So he sends the dog out to the pond. The dog comes back and barks twice. Viagra prescription Purchase viagra Chester says, “Well I’m not going to go out. He only saw two ducks out there.”

Earl says, “You’re going to take the dog’s barks for the truth?” Earl doesn’t believe it, so he goes to look for himself. When he gets back he says, “I don’t believe it where did you get that dog? There really are only two ducks out there!”

Chester says, “Well, I got him from the breeder up the road. If you want, you can get one from him, too.”

So Earl goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog like the one his friend Chester has. The breeder obliges and Earl brings the dog home, tells it to go out and look for ducks. Minutes later the dog returns with a stick in it’s mouth and starts humping Earl’s leg.

Outraged, Earl takes the dog back to the breeder and says, “This dog is a fraud. I want my money back!”

The breeder asks Earl what the dog did. So Earl tells him that when he sent the dog out to look for ducks, it came back w Levitra prescription ith a stick in its mouth and started humping his leg.

The breeder says, “Earl, all he was trying to tell you was that there are more fucking ducks out there than you can shake a stick at!”