My Stupid Acts

Posts Tagged ‘car’

A blonde made several attempts to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems finding a buyer because the car had 340,000 miles on it. Purchase viagra She discussed her problem with a brunette that she worked with at a bar. The brunette suggested, “There may be a chance to sell that car easier, but it’s not going to be legal.” “That doesn’t matter at all,” replied the blonde. “All that matters it that I am able to sell this car.” “Alright,” replied the brunette. Viagra prescription In a quiet voice, she told the blonde: “Here is the address of a friend Levitra prescription of mine. He owns a car repair shop around here. Tell him I sent you, and he will turn the counter back on your car to 40,000 miles. Then it shouldn’t be a problem to sell your car.” The following weekend, the blonde took a trip to the mechanic on the brunette’s advice. About one month after that, the brunette saw the blonde and asked, “Did you sell your car?” “No!” replied the blonde. “Why should I? It only has 40,000 miles on it.”

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named buddy. Purchase viagra he hitched buddy up to the car and yelled, “pull, nellie, pull!”

buddy didn’t move. then the farmer hollered, “pull, buster, pull!” buddy didn’t respond. once more the farmer commanded, “pull, coco, pull!” nothing. then the farmer nonchalantly said, “pull, buddy, pull!”

and the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

the motorist was most appreciative and very curious. Viagra prescription he asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times. Levitra prescription

“well… buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn’t even try!”

* C is a racing car that goes incredibly fast but breaks down every fifty miles.

* C++ is a souped-up racing car with dozens of extra features that only breaks down every 250 miles, but when it does, nobody can figure out what went wrong. Purchase viagra

* Java is a family station wagon. It’s easy to drive, it’s not too fast, and you can’t hurt yourself.

* C# is a competing model of family station wagons. Once you use this, you’re never allowed to use the competitors’ products again.

* Lisp looks like a car, but with enough tweaking you can turn it into a pretty effective airplane or submarine.

* Perl is supposed to be a pretty cool car, but the driver’s manual is incomprehensible. Also, even if you can figure out how to drive a perl car, you won’t be able to drive anyone else’s.

* Python is a great beginner’s car; you can drive it without a license. Unless you want to drive really fast or on really treacherous terrain, you may never need another car.

* Ruby is a car that was formed when the Perl, Python and Smalltalk cars were involved in a three-way collision. A Japanese mechanic found the pieces and put together a car which many people think was better than the sum of the parts.

* Fortran is a pretty primitive car; it’ll go very quickly as long as you are only going along roads that are perfectly straight. It is believed that learning to drive a Fortran car makes it impossible to learn to drive any other model.

* Cobol is reputed to be a car, but no self-respecting driver will ever admit having driven one.

* Assembly Language is a bare engine; you have to build the car yourself and manually supply it with gas while it’s running, but if you’re careful it can go like a bat out of hell. Levitra prescription Viagra prescription

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer ?

Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.

Officer: Don’t have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers Levitra prescription please.

Woman: I can’t do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want
to see.

The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and

calls for back up. Purchase viagra Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior

officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this

car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car,
please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The first officer is stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving
license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and

hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and

examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. Viagra prescription

Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t

have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked
up the owner.

Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. Levitra prescription She went to the front door of Viagra prescription the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?” The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. Purchase viagra The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?” The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.” A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. “You’re finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” the blonde answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. “Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. “And by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”

A St ate Trooper pulls Purchase viagra a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver. Levitra prescription “Ma’am, is there a reason that you’re weaving all over the road?”

The woman replied, “Oh officer, thank goodness you’re here! I almost had an accident. Viagra prescription I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!”

Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, “Ma’am… that’s your air freshener.”