My Stupid Acts

Posts Tagged ‘boyfriend’

To: Tech Support
To whom it may concern,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed
that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting
software severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry
applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention
of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition,
Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as
DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs
new, undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, SaturdayFootball
5.0, Golf 2.4, and ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer
runs, and invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will
it run DiaperChanging 14.1 or HouseCleaning 2.6. I’ve tried running
Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all purpose utility is of
limited effectiveness. Can you help, please!!!!

Signed, Jane

Dear Jane:
This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly
due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0
to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an
ENTERTAINMENT package. Viagra prescription However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and
was designed by its creator to run as few applications as possible.
Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0,
because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Purchase viagra Hidden operating files
within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0,
so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge
the program files from the system, once installed. Levitra prescription Any new program
files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely
limited memory. Error messages are common, and a normal part of
Husband 1.0.
Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and
cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional
software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0
and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities can really
help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly. After several years of use,
Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many valuable
embedded features such as FixBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and
BestFriend 7.6. I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing
to install Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best
of luck in coming years. We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this
product!

Sincerely,
Tech Support

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: “For Women Only.” Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. “We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. Levitra prescription Viagra prescription Purchase viagra It’s easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what’s inside.”

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: “All the men on this floor are short and plain.” The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: “All the men here are short and handsome.” Still, this isn’t good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: “All the men here are tall and plain.”

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: “All the men here are tall and handsome.” The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: “There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman.”