Two cannibals are eating a clown. One cannibal turns to the other and asks, “This taste funny to you?”
Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund?
Someone told him to get a long little doggy.
How do you keep a jackass in suspense? I’ll let you know tomorrow!
//
When I overheard one of my cashiers tell a customer, “We haven’t had it for a while, and I doubt we’ll be getting it soon,” I quickly assured the customer that we would have whatever it was she wanted by next week. After she left, I read the cashier the riot [...]
A young man called directory assistance. “Hello, operator, I would like the telephone number for Mary Jones in Phoenix, Arizona.”
“There are multiple listings for Mary Jones in Phoenix,” the operator replied. “Do you have a street name?”
The young man hesitated, and then said, “Well, most people call me Ice Man.”
//
A mother and her daughter were visiting the grave site of a loved one, when on their way back to the car they little girl stopped her mom. She said “Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?”
//
The newlyweds entered the elevator of their Miami Beach hotel. The operator, a magnificent blonde, looked at them in surprise and said, “Why, hello, Teddy, how are you?”
A frosty silence prevailed until the couple reached their room, when the piqued bride demanded: “Who was that woman?!”
“Take it easy, honey,” said the groom, [...]
Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food and companionship. She goes Tuesdays. I go Fridays.
We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Florida, mine is in NY.
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
I asked my wife, “Where do you [...]
A young fireman placed a ladder against the bedroom window of a burning house and rushed up. Inside was a curvy brunette in a see- through nightie.
“Aha,” said he, “you’re the second pregnant girl I’ve rescued this year!”
“But I’m not pregnant,” the brunette indignantly exclaimed.
“You’re not rescued yet either.”
//
1st baby: At the first sign of distress – a whimper, a frown-you pick up the baby.
2nd [...]
Surfin’ the Net
So I think I’m in the clear
the boss is no where in sight
I logon to the web and start to surf
and then my hair stands up with fright
the footsteps coming down the hall
are quickening in pace
there [...]
10. If it’s wet make it dry.
9. If it’s dry make it wet.
8. Always ask for on-call pay before agreeing to [...]
The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered [...]
A young journalism student was assigned to write a human interest story. He went into the mountains to do some research. There, he found an old farmer sitting on his porch,
introduced himself, and explained his mission.
The young man asked, “Has anything ever happened around here that made you really [...]
1 day
You’ll be surprised
to see me
beside you.
you and me
laughing.
You and me
crying,
You and me
dreaming,
You and me
hugging,
You and me …….
Just you and me sitting in a mental hospital:
Me visiting you
//
Regis: “Barbara, you’ve done very well so far – $500,000 and one lifeline left — phone a friend.
The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right … but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 — are you ready?”
Barbara: [...]
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office
alone.
He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe
disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don’t do the
following, your husband will surely die.
Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and
make sure he is in [...]
A northeast Florida beekeeper is under arrest after deputies say he stole bees, honey and equipment from his competitors. Ruben Josey was arrested Thursday in Putnam County after deputies said they recovered 48 stolen beehives and other goods worth thousands of dollars. The hives were reported stolen in December and January in Putnam and surrounding [...]
2 ghantay aatay ki line main khara rehte huye ek aadmi ghussay se chillaya.
Main Zaradari ko goli marnay ja raha hon.
Kuch dari baat woh wapas aakr aatay ki line main khara ho gaya.
Kisi ne pucha.
“Kyon Maar Diya?”
Usne maayusi se jawab diya.
Wahan pe bhi line lagi hui hai.
//
Once Pervez Musharraf, Asif Zardari and Nawaz Sharif were
travelling in an auto rickshaw. They met with an accident
and all three of them died.
An Angel was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of
death. He asks MUSHARAF and Zardari to go to HEAVEN. But,
for Nawaz Sharief, Angel had already decided that he should
be sent to [...]
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