A dog and his master went to the movies together and was shown to their seat by the theater usher. When the picture was over, the dog applauded loudly. As they were leaving the theater the usher says, “I see that your dog really enjoyed the movie.”
“Very much,” the dog’s master [...]
Short Jokes
ANIMAL BEHAVIOR
Funny Stories
A woman has twins
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Amal.” The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan”. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells [...]
Reality Jokes
Three men lost in the forest
There were three men who were lost in the forest. They were then captured by cannibals. The cannibal king then told the prisoners that they could live if they pass the trial. First step of the trial is to go to the forest with the cannibals and get ten pieces of the [...]
Reality Jokes
PARROT TRAINING JOKE:
Larry received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren’t expletives, were to say the least, rude. Larry tried hard to change the bird’s attitude and was constantly saying polite words, [...]
Reality Jokes
Comments at your Funeral
Three friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation in heaven. They are all asked, “When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first guy says,”I would like to hear them say [...]
Funny Stories
Golden Saloon
A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy. “Where the hell have you been all night?” she demands. “At this fantastic new bar,” he says. “The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. [...]
Short Jokes
Blonde In Police Department for a Job
A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer asks her some questions:
Officer: What’s 2 + 2?
Blonde: Ummm… 4!
Officer: What’s the square root of 100?
Blonde: Ummm… 10!
Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?
Blonde: Ummm… I dunno.
Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.
The blonde goes home [...]
Reality Jokes
Ashes to Ashes
A guy goes to a girl’s house for the first time and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks. As he’s standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up and [...]
Reality Jokes
A woman walks into a vet’s waiting room . . .
. . . She’s dragging a wet rabbit on a leash. The rabbit does NOT want to be there. “Sit, Fluffy,” she says. Fluffy glares at her, and sopping wet, jumps up on another customer’s lap, getting water all over him.
“I [...]
Reality Jokes
Blonde on a 747 (G)
A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting,
“BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO…..”
She [...]
Short Jokes
Anesthetic
A hillbilly was making his first visit to a hospital
where his teenage son was about to have an operation.
Watching the doctor’s every move, he asked, “What’s
that?”
The doctor explained, “This is an anesthetic. After
he gets this he won’t know a thing.”
“Save your time, Doc,” exclaimed the man. “He don’t
know nothing now.”
//
Reality Jokes
Flatulence
Mr. Youngman was brought to the lounge of the nursing home to await his son. Since he was especially frail, the nurse was never far from his side.
As it happened, at least once every minute the ninty-year-old would tilt slightly to one side; as soon as he did so, the nurse hurried [...]
Short Jokes
Young Man Want to be Married????
A young man, who was in love with a girl and wanted to marry her, went to his dad and asked: “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?
His father replied, “I don’t know, son. I’m still paying for it.”
//
Funny Stories
Blonde’s Bussiness
A blonde thinks of doing some business and produce something from her labor. She plans a chicken farm and buys a hundred chickens to get it running. A month later, she returns to the dealer to get another hundred chickens because the first lot has died. Another month passes and she’s [...]
Reality Jokes
The Plane Crash
Rain, hail, lightning, and turbulence shook the plane that was filled with panicking passengers. Everybody in the plane was sure that they would die. Then, this one woman stood up and yelled, “I don’t want to die in fear; I want to die feeling like a woman!” In the back of the [...]
Funny Stories
Virgin Daughters
A Mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a
short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life
would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon
with a few words on how marital sex felt.
The first girl sent a [...]
Short Jokes
Blonde With Gun
Suspicious about her husband cheating on her, the blonde quickly bought a gun. When the blonde got home, she found her husband with another woman. Upset, the blonde took out the gun and pointed it towards her head. The husband begged her not to shoot herself. Then the blonde yelled, “Shut [...]
