My Stupid Acts

Archive for the ‘Short Jokes’ Category

An old lady and an old man are sitting in their retirement home. Levitra prescription

The man turns to the woman and says,”I bet you can’t tell how old I am.”

She says,”Okay.”

She then unzips his fly, feels around for a while and finally says, “You’re 83.”

“That’s amazing!” the man exclaims. Viagra prescription Purchase viagra “How did you know that?” he asks.

She replies, “You told me yesterday.”

A man and his wife were on their honeymoon. The husband took off his pants and handed them to his wife.

“See if they fit.”

“They don’t.”

“Now you see who will wear the pants in this house.” She thought a little while, Levitra prescription and took off her panties and asked him to try them on. Viagra prescription Purchase viagra

“I can’t get into these.”

“And you won’t, either, with that attitude.”

Two thieves break into a bank in the middle of the night and open a safe. There is only some yogurt, but no money. Levitra prescription They taste the yogurt. Purchase viagra It’s tainted.

The men open the next safe. There is some yogurt too, it tastes much better but again – no money. Viagra prescription

The thieves take on another safe. And there’s yogurt again.

“John, why don’t you go outside and look if it is indeed a bank!” says one to the other, and sits down to eat the yogurt which tastes really fresh and nutritious this time.

A couple of minutes later in comes John.

“It is definitely a bank!”

“What exactly did the sign say?”

“The Sperm Bank of Ohio!”“

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. Viagra prescription
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a
set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor
said, ” Your hearing is perfect. Levitra prescription Your family must be really pleased that
you can hear again.”

The gentleman replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit
around and listen to the conversations. Purchase viagra I’ve changed my will three
times!”

Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day, at a very smart jeweller’s shop in Hatton Garden, London. Viagra prescription

The jeweller inquired, ‘Would you like your girlfriend’s name engraved on it?’

Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, ‘No, instead engrave “To my one and only love”.’
The jeweller smiled and said, ‘Yes, sir; how very romantic of you.’

Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, ‘Not exactly romantic, but very practical. Levitra prescription Purchase viagra This way, if we break up, I can use it again.’

A MAHARAJAH OF INDIA
The maharajah of an Indian Province issued a royal decree. He ordered that no one was to kill any wild animals while he was the country’s leader. The decree was honored until there were so many Bengal Tigers running loose that the people revolted and threw the maharajah from power. Levitra prescription Purchase viagra Th is Viagra prescription is the first known instance of the reign being called on account of the game.

Two Indian friends had settled in England.
One had been living there for some years and had caught on the some of their odd euphemisms. Viagra prescription The other, a recent settle, was as yet unaware of them. They were invited for dinner by their English friends. Levitra prescription Purchase viagra
After they had their drinks, their hostess asked them, “Would you like a wash before I serve dinner?”
The knowledgeable one replied, “No thanks.”
The new settler replied, “I washed my hands before I came.”