My Stupid Acts

Archive for the ‘Reality Jokes’ Category

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus full of old aged pensioners when he Levitra prescription is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.

She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on the shoulder again and she hands the driver another handful of peanuts. Viagra prescription Purchase viagra

When she is about to hand him another batch again, he asks her “Why don’t you eat the peanuts?”

“We can’t chew them because we have no teeth”, she replied.

“We just love the chocolate around them.”

???A biology m ajor w Viagra prescription as taking a cell biology course. The task of the day was examining epitheleal cheek cells under a microscope. They had to scrape the inside of their mouths with a toothpick and make a slide from it and record the different types of cells that were found. Levitra prescription

One girl in the class was having some trouble identifying some cells. Purchase viagra She called the professor over to ask him.

After a moment or two of peering in her scope, he looked up and said in a loud voice, “Those are sperm cells.”

A blonde went to the appli Viagra prescription ance store sale and found a bargain. “I would like to buy this TV,” she told the salesman. Levitra prescription

“Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, “I would like to buy this TV.”

“Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied.

“Darn, he recognized me,” she thought.

She went for a complete disguise this time; haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. Purchase viagra “I would like to buy this TV.”

“Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied.

Frustrated, she exclaimed, “How do you know I’m a blonde?”

“Because that’s a microwave,” he replied.

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. Viagra prescription He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. Levitra prescription The man says, “I’m sending out one thousand Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?’”

“But why?” asks the man. Purchase viagra

“I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replies.

1.      You raise my interest rate thirty basis points without a corresponding drop off in consumer enthusiasm.

2.      Despite a decade of inflation, i still dig your supply curve. Viagra prescription Purchase viagra

3.      What do you say we re-measure our cross-elasticity.

4.      You bring the butter, i’ll bring the gun.

5.      Let’s raise housing starts together.

6.      Further stimulus could result in uncontrolled expansion. Levitra prescription

7.      Tell me whether my expectations are rational.

8.      Let’s assume a ritzy hotel room and a bottle of dom.

9.      You stoke the animal spirits of my market

10.  A loaf of bread, a jug of wine, and thou beside me watching Rukeyser

Six girls are on vacation without their boyfriends. They are walking on a beach when they are attracted to the sight of a beautiful six-storey hotel.
Wishing to check in immediately, they walk in. Levitra prescription They are greeted by a charming hotel manager who tells them: “Go up to each storey and you will see a sign. If you like what it says, we’ll put you up there.”
So the six girlfriends take the lift to the floor above, where they see this sign: “All the men here have no money, and are short and ugly.” The girlfriends laugh and move off.
On the next storey, they are met by this sign: “All the men here have money, but are short and plain.” The girls continue on their way. Viagra prescription
At the third level, they see this sign: “All the men here have money, and are tall but ugly.” The girls smile and move on. Purchase viagra
On the fourth floor, the sign says: “All the men here have money, and are tall and handsome.” This excites the girls and they are about to go get registered when they remember that there is one more storey above. So they head up there.
At the top, they see this big sign: “There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is just no way to please a woman.”