My Stupid Acts

Archive for the ‘Reality Jokes’ Category

A man was taken to court for stealing an item from a store. The man said
to the judge, “Your Honor, I’ m a Christian. Viagra prescription I’ ve become a new man. Purchase viagra But I
have and old nature also. Levitra prescription It was not my new man who did wrong. It was my
old man.”
The judge responded, “Since it was the old man that broke the law, we’ll
sentence him to 60 days in jail. And since the new man was an accomplice
in the theft, we’ll give him 30 days, too. I therefore sentence you both
to 90 days in jail.”

A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning. Levitra prescription Viagra prescription Purchase viagra

The grandson did this religiously and he lived to the age of 93.

When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren and a fifteen foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

To: The Personnel manager

RE: Replacement of the dead manager

I refer to the recent death of the manager at your company and wish to apply for the replacement of the dead manager. Purchase viagra

Each time I apply for employment I am told there is no vacancy but on this one I even attended the funeral and the all burial process Levitra prescription and made sure that I hear from you who will take up the position. All I can remember is you saying that he will be difficult to replace meaning there is no one at the moment.

Its sad that he has left us but at least I benefit as he has left a vacancy for me.

I only hope there will be no corruption as we are all still mourning. He was my neighbor and it will be easy for me to continue with his legacy because I was seeing the time he was come for work and knocking off.

I will be sending my pictures whilst attending the funeral and burial so that you can see how tough I was and can be when employed.

Thanks for advertising the funeral because I could not have known. Viagra prescription

Yours smiling,

A Catholic teenager goes to confession, and after confessing to an affair with a girl is told by the priest that he can’t be forgiven unless he reveals who the girl is. “I promised not to tell!” he says. “Was it Mary Patricia, the butcher’s daughter?” the preist asks. “No, and I said I wouldn’t tell.” “Was it Mary Elizabeth, the printer’s daughter?” “No, and I still won’t tell!” ‘Was it Mary Francis, the baker’s daughter?” “No,” says the boy. ‘Well, son,” says the priest, “I have no choice but to excommunicate you for six months.” Outside, the boy’ s friend Levitra prescription s ask what happened. Viagra prescription Purchase viagra “Well,” he says, “I got six months, but three good leads.”

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.
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Or
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Or
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Or to or
sb se bada khatra sonia gandhi ka he k un ka shohar mar chuka hay
Aur
Asif Ali Zardari …
Indian bro & sis can comment on this post

***

I may prompt a huge uproar from men out there once I say this, but lets just accept it that men tend to make more fashion mistakes generally as compared to women. Though fashion is a relative term of personal preference and style, but there are some fashion faux pas that should be avoided at all costs. Who can judge a man better than a woman and so here’s ‘my’ list of the top 10 fashion no no’s for men:

1- Pants dropping off

Guys don’t get me started on this one. I have absolutely failed to understand who thought it was OK. Viagra prescription What’s the point anyway of walking around the town with an awful sight of a Calvin Klein behind you (or even worse if you know what I am talking about ). Today I speak on behalf of the entire women on this planet “guys pull them up, you are not flattering us that way”.

low rise jeans

2- Pants way up to your neck

Well that’s pretty much how it looks like when you are wearing your pants way too up your waist. You look ‘Dorky’ and ‘insecure’.

wearing pants way up your waist

3- A see-through white shalwar kameez

Does that ring alarm bells for 90% of you reading this? If it didn’t then trust me you didn’t look close enough at yourself in the mirror. Its just funny to see most men walking out of the mosque on a Friday as if they wore just a vest and shalwar. Wear slightly thicker material for your kurtas.

shalwar-kameez

4- Unflattering colours and prints

Ok we all know you are bold enough to buy that shocking pink t-shirt or the red kurta off the rack. Purchase viagra Leave that to the fashion runways and magazines. Stick to the old school attire if you are not very sure about your combinations. And most importantly, wear Hawaiian and big print shirts only in two cases:

1. One you are going to Hawaii.
2. Two you are ‘gay’.

No third option I am afraid.

hawaiian-shirt-beach-bum-collage

5- ‘Yo wassup my nigga’ look

If you are a hip-hop artist, you live in LA, you drive a hummer, the look is fine for you. And if you are some Shahid Butt aka local Snoop Dog, you are suffering from a chronic identity crisis. Leave the oversized knee length t-shirts and chunky blingy chains to where they belong. In our part of the world, you will just turn heads for being a wannabe.

‘yo wassup my nigga’ look

6- Wrong socks with wrong footwear

Who started this anyway? Don’t go out in public “ever” wearing socks with sandals. As a rule of thumb,remember, your socks are supposed to match your pants and dont forget to wear longer ones while dressing up formally. It is simply repelling to witness hairy legs once you cross your legs wearing short socks.

wrong and short socks

7- Wearing too much cologne

Think of it this way, if a woman can only smell you when she s very close, it is good for you. All the more reason to stay close. If she can smell you across the entire room, I’m afraid she doesn’t want to suffocate herself by coming any closer. However, never forget to wear one. There s nothing like being next to a poli Levitra prescription shed, nice smelling man.

perfume-spraying

8- Sleeveless and body hugging shirts

No way.Never ever do this, it’s just criminal and disgusting. No further argument on this one.

Mens Sleeveless Tigh Fit Compression

9- White shoes and suite

You look no different than ‘Bappi’ in those tacky pointed white shoes or a white suite. Refer to the picture to know what I am talking about. White suit seems just too odd :S

Bappi Lahiri

10- For Gods sake keep your hair in check

My personal opinion is, long hair looks dirty on men ( I know I said something very controversial). But if you have to keep long hair at all costs, don’t keep it longer than your chin, preferably gel backed. And guys Please, keep your facial hair in check. Its ugly to see hair sticking out in all directions. Again a personal favourite (and I am sure for most women) is a nicely trimmed stubble. It makes a ‘man’ out of a ‘guy’.

stylish and neat way to keep long hair

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. Purchase viagra “Cold floors,” he says. They nod and send him away. Viagra prescription Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, “Bad food.” They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. “I quit,” he says. “That’s not surprising,” the elders say. Levitra prescription “You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here.”