My Stupid Acts

Archive for the ‘Reality Jokes’ Category

A man and a woman who had never met before,
but who were both married to other people,
found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Levitra prescription Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower. Viagra prescription

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,……….’Ma’am,

I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket Purchase viagra ?

I’m awfully cold’

‘I have a better idea,’ she replied ‘Just for tonight……let’s pretend that we’re married’

‘Wow!………………….That’s a great idea!’ he exclaimed..

‘Good,’ she replied…………….’Get your own damn blanket.’

After a moment of silence, ……………………he farted.

The End

A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word “definitely” to them. To make sure the students have a good understand ing of the word, she asks them to use it Purchase viagra in a sentence. Levitra prescription Viagra prescription

The first student raised his hand and said “The sky is definitely blue”.

The teacher said, “Well, that isn’t entirely correct, because sometimes it’s gray and cloudy”.

Another student says, “Grass is definitely green.”

The teacher again replies “If grass doesn’t get enough water it turns brown, so that isn’t really correct either.”

Another student raises his hand and asks the teacher “Do farts have lumps?” The teacher looked at him and said “No…But that isn’t really a question you want to ask in class discussion.”

So the student replies, “Then I definitely sh*t my pants.”

Two women go out one weekend without their husbands. As they came back, just before dawn, both of them drunk, they felt the urge to pee. Purchase viagra They noticed that the only place to stop was a cemetery. Scared and drunk, they stopped and decided to go there anyway. Viagra prescription

The first one did not have anything to blot herself with, so she took her panties off, used them and discarded them. The second, not finding anything either, thought “I’m not getting rid of my panties…” so she used the ribbon of a nearby flower wreath. Levitra prescription

The morning after, the two husbands were talking to each other on the phone, and one says to the other: “We have to be on the look-out; it seems that these two were up to no good last night, my wife came home without her panties…” The other one responded: “You’re lucky, mine came home with a card stuck to her butt that read, “We will never forget you.”

A Chinese man had three daughters, he asked his eldest daughter
Purchase viagra
what kind of man she would like to marry. Levitra prescription Viagra prescription

“I would like to marry a man with three dragons on his chest,”
said the eldest daughter.

He then asked his second daughter who she would like to marry.

“I would like to marry a man with two dragons on his chest,”
said the second daughter.

He finally asked his youngest daughter who she would like to
marry.

The youngest daughter replies, “I would like to marry a man
with one draggin’ on the ground.”

1. You can GET chocolate.

2. Chocol ate Purchase viagra satisfies even when it has gone soft.

3. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.

4. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.

5. You can have chocolate even in front of your mother. Viagra prescription

6. If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won’t mind.

7. Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.

8. The word “commitment” doesn’t scare off chocolate.

9. You can have chocolate on your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers.

10. You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped. Levitra prescription

11. With chocolate there’s no need to fake it.

12. Chocolate doesn’t make you pregnant.

13. You can have chocolate at any time of the month.

14. Good chocolate is easy to find.

15. You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.

16. You are never too young or too old for chocolate.

17. When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake.

18. With chocolate size doesn’t matter.

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!

There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when quite near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome and didn’t really want to overcome. Viagra prescription

She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn’t say a word.

She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me.” I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. Levitra prescription I walked straight towards my car.

My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.”

The moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car! Purchase viagra

A Kindergarten teac her was observing her classroom of children while they
were drawing. Levitra prescription Viagra prescription She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what
the drawing Purchase viagra was.

The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.”

The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.”

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied,
“They will in a minute.”