My Stupid Acts

Archive for the ‘Reality Jokes’ Category

Some engineers are trying to measure the height of a flag pole.
They only have a measuring tape and are quite frustrated trying to keep the tape along the pole.
It falls down all the time.
A mathematician comes along and asks what they are doing.
They explain it to him.
“Well, that’s easy…”
He pulls the pole out of the ground, lays it down, and measures it easily.
After he has left, one of the engineers says: “That’s so typical of these mathematicians! What we need is the height – and he gives us the length!”

Newton ‘s Method:

Let, the lion catch you.

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Implies you caught lion.

********************

Einstein Method:

Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.

Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon.

Now you can trap it easily.

********************

Software Engineer Method:

Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion.

If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.

********************

Indian Police Method:

Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion .

********************

Rajnikanth Method :

Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime.

The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.

********************

Jayalalitha Method:

Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it’s sleeping !

********************

Manirathnam Method (director):

Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark room with a single candle lighted.

Keep murmuring something in its ears.

The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.

********************

Karan Johar Method (director):

Send a lioness into the forest.

Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other.

Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion.

First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness.

But 2nd lioness loves both lions.

Now send another lioness (third) into the forest.

You don’t understand right… Ok….read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont!

********************

Yash Chopra method (director):

Take the lion to Australia or US.. And kill it in a good scenic location.

********************

Govinda method:

Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days. The Lion will drop dead just watching!

********************

Menaka Gandhi method:

Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.

********************

George bush method:

Link the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him!!!

********************

Ravi Shastri method:

Ask the lion to bowl at u.

U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run

Lion tired and surrenders

********************

The major controversy surrounding the stunning actress was when she was married for a short term to a Pakistani businessman Atiq-Ur-Rehman, who was already married. Her ex-husb and was also arrested for threatening her Levitra prescription and charged. Up till today Meera denies any reports of her being Atiq-Ur-Rehman’s second wife. Meera did claim in another interview that one of her directors from India was trying to defame her by paying Atiq-Ur-Rehman to do this Meera was also stopped at the Karachi airport for the possession of two passports.
Meera’s mother and brother Syed Ahsan Abbas were accused for kidnapping Abbas son by his ex-wife. Viagra prescription Purchase viagra Meera’s name was mentioned along with her brother and mother. Meera came to her brother’s rescue to the police station
Later on Meera was also served papers as she had not paid her property taxes for four years

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub.

She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. Purchase viagra

W hen Levitra prescription he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face
close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard
which is full and bushy.

“Are you the landlord?” she asks, softly stroking his face with both
hands. Viagra prescription

“Actually, no” he replies.

“Can you get him for me – I need to speak to him?” she asks, running
her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.

“I’m afraid I can’t,” breathes the barman, clearly aroused.

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Yes there is. I need you to give him a message,” she continues
huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth.

“Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room.”

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. Levitra prescription He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. Viagra prescription If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die.”

“E ach morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Purchase viagra Don’t burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don’t discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly…make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.”

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, “What did the doctor say?”

A husb and is Levitra prescription at home watching a football game when his wife interrups.

“Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It’s been flickering for weeks now.”

He looks at her and says, angrily, “Fix the lights now? Does it look like I have GE written on my forehead Purchase viagra ? I don’t think so.”

“Fine.”

Then his wife asks, “Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won’t close right.”

To which he replied, “Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don’t think so.”

“Fine.”

She says, “Then could you at least fix the steps to the front door? They are about to break.”

“I’m not a damm carpenter and I don’t fix steps,” He sayd. “Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead Viagra prescription ? I don’t think so.”

“I’ve had enough of you,” he said, “I’m going to the bar!”

So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours. Soon he starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife and decides to go home.

As he walks up to the house he notices that the steps are already fixed.

As he enters the house he sees the hall light is working.

As he goes to get a beer he noitces the fridge door is fixed.

“Honey,” he asks, “how’d all this get fixed?”

She said, “Well, after you left I sat outside and cried. Then a nice young man came along and asked me what was wrong. I told him and he offered to do all the repairs and all I had to do was either go to bed with him or bake a cake.”

The husband said, “So what kind of cake did you bake?”

She replied, “Helloooooo… Do you see Betty Crocker Written on my forehead? I don’t think so.”

Why do we sometimes write ‘etc’ at the end in Purchase viagra the exam?

Bcoz it means… .
.
.
.

E-End of
T-thinking
C-capacity.

*************

How to Create d Biggest Doubt in ur Wife’s Mind 4 u?

?
?
?
?
?

Just Suddenly send her SMS Saying..

“I Luv u too” .

.
GAME OVER.!

*************

When do you knw ur in love Viagra prescription ?
Ans. When you start searching for the cheapest mobile plan

*************

Wht is the Diff b/wYoung Age & Old Age?

*

Simple..

In Young Age
Phone Is Full Of Darlings Numbers..

In Old Age
Its Full of Doctors Numbers..!-

*************

“Why is Facebook such a hit Levitra prescription ?
It works on the principle that-

‘People are more interested in others life than their own-!

*************

A Ques Asked In A Talent Test:
If You Are Married To 1 Of The Twin Sisters, How wud You Recognize Your WIFE?

The Best Answer
- Why d Hell Should I recognize?..