A woman came to work on Monday morning with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.
The man replied, “On Sunday, I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her butt crack, so I was trying to [...]

New England Temperature Conversion Chart
60° F:
Southern Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in New England sunbathe.
50° F:
New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
People in New England plant gardens.
40° F:
Italian & English cars won’t start.
People in New England drive with the windows down.
32° F:
Distilled water freezes.
Maine’s Moose head Lake’s water gets thicker.
20° F:
Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, [...]

A rancher needs a bull to service his cows A rancher needs a bull to service his cows but needs to borrow the money from the bank. The banker who lent the money comes by a week later to see how his investment is doing. The farmer complains that the bull just eats grass [...]

A young lady was driving through a built-up area at about 70 mph when she noticed a motorcycle policeman on her tail. She increased her speed to 80 mph but the cop hung grimly on her tail. She put her foot down and pushed the car up to 90, drawing rapidly away [...]

A dog is so smart that his master decides to send him to college.
Home for vacation, his master asks him how college is going.
“Well”, says the dog, “I’m not doing too great in science and math, but I have made a lot of progress in foreign languages.”
“Really!” says the master. “Say something in a [...]

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it. [...]

Larry received a parrot for his birthday.  The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary.  Every other word was an expletive.  Those that weren’t expletives, were to say the least, rude.  Larry tried hard to change the bird’s attitude and was constantly saying polite words, [...]

Three friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation in heaven. They are all asked, “When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first guy says,”I would like to hear them say [...]

. . . She’s dragging a wet rabbit on a leash. The rabbit does NOT want to be there. “Sit, Fluffy,” she says.  Fluffy glares at her, and sopping wet, jumps up on another customer’s lap, getting water all over him.
“I [...]

A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting,
“BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO…..”
She [...]

Rain, hail, lightning, and turbulence shook the plane that was filled with panicking passengers. Everybody in the plane was sure that they would die. Then, this one woman stood up and yelled, “I don’t want to die in fear; I want to die feeling like a woman!” In the back of the [...]

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.
Officer: Don’t have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can’t [...]