My Stupid Acts

Archive for the ‘Funny Stories’ Category

You have promised, just remember,
Don’t forget your intention, just remember,
Don’t make me cry now,
Don’t go far away now,
Have endured so many sufferings, remember,
Will you not hurt me now,
Will you not let us alone now,
You settled in hearts, just remember,
Keep hearts settle, just remember,
As you let me alone, look
I’ll die look,
Life exist at breathe of you, just remember,
World of fondness, shines with you, just remember,
Don’t break hearts, again
Don’t leave us alone, again
I’ll will dead in hot, just remember
Peace and rest of life is with you, just remember,
You are my sweetheart and lovely friend, Viagra prescription Purchase viagra
You and only you “Electricity” are my best friend. Levitra prescription

I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:

* A half-gallon of 2% milk
* A carton of eggs
* A quart of orange juice
* A head of lettuce
* A 2 lb. Purchase viagra can of coffee
* A 1 lb. package of bacon

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed Viagra prescription the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, ‘You must be single.’

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since I indeed had never found Mr. Levitra prescription Right. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status..

Curiosity getting the better of me, I said , ‘Yes you are correct . But how on earth did you know that?’

The drunk replied, ‘Cause you’re ugly.

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol
station in a remote part of the Irish countryside.
The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in
a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.
“Top of the mornin’ to yer, sir” says the attendant. Purchase viagra
Tiger nods a quick “hello” and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. Viagra prescription
As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
“What are those?, asks the attendant.
“They’re called tees” replies Tiger.
“Well, what on the god’s earth are dey for?” inquires the Irishman. Levitra prescription
“They’re for resting my balls on when I’m driving”, says Tiger.
“Fookin Jaysus”, says the Irishman, “BMW thinks of everything!”

Morris, a Russian man saves his rubles for twenty years to buy a new car. After choosing the model and options he wants, he’s not the least b it surprised or even concerned to learn that it will take two years for the new car to be delivered. He thanks the salesman and starts to leave, but as he reaches the door he pauses and turns back to the salesman “Do you know which week two years from now the new car will arrive?” he asks.

The salesman checks his notes and tells the Morris that it will be two years to the exact week. Viagra prescription The man thanks the salesman and starts out again, but upon reaching the door, he turns back again.

“Could you possibly tell me what day of the week two years from now the car will arrive?”

The salesman, mildly annoyed, checks his notes again and says that it will be exactly two years from this week, on Thursday.

Morris thanks the salesman and once again starts to leave. Halfway though the door, he hesitates, turns back, and walks up to the salesman. Levitra prescription Purchase viagra

“I’m sorry to be so much trouble, but do you know if that will be two years from now on Thursday in the morning, or in the afternoon?”

Visibly irritated, the salesman flips through his papers yet another time and says sharply that it will be in the afternoon, two years from now on Thursday.

“That’s a relief!” says Morris. “The plumber is coming that morning.”

A couple went to a doctor because the man was feeling down, tired all the time. Purchase viagra The doctor said I will give a shot of vitamins, a prescription for some pep pills from the drugstore, and Levitra prescription an empty jar for checking your sperm count – bring it back in next week so I can check it. Viagra prescription When the guy came back to the doctor, the doctor said “Why, this jar is empty, I told you I needed to do a sperm count.” The guy said, ” I tried with my left hand, I tried with my right hand, my wife tried with her left hand and she also tried with her right hand, she even tried with her teeth. We could not get that jar open!”

A patron at a restaurant was continually bothering the waiter about the air conditioning: first he would ask for the air conditioning to be turned up because it was too hot, Viagra prescription then he would ask it be turned down because it was to cold, this went on for about a half an hour. To the surprise of the rest of the customers, the waiter was very patient, walking aback and forth and very pleasant. Levitra prescription Purchase viagra So finally a customer asked; why don’t you just throw out the pest? “Oh, I don’t care,” said the waiter with a grin, we don’t even have an air conditioner.”

Don’t eat chicken sandwiches, no matter what…..

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends.

Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn’t a chicken s Purchase viagra andwich.

He said, “Hey, how come you’re not eating chicken, don’t you like it anymore?”

She said “I love it but I have to stop eating it.”

“Why?” he asked.

She pointed to her lap and said “Cause I’m starting to grow little feathers down there!”

“Let me see” he said.

“Okay” and she pulled up her skirt. Viagra prescription

He looked and said, “That’s right. You are! ?Better not eat any more chicken.”

He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter. Levitra prescription He said to the little girl, “I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches, I’m starting to get feathers down there too!”

She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her!

She said, “Oh, my God, it’s too late for you! You’ve already got the NECK and GIZZARDS!!!