My Stupid Acts

Author Archive

After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.

“How about some perfume?” he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50.

“That’s a bit much,” said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.

“Thats still quite a bit,” Tom groused.

Growing disgusted, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle.

Tom grew agitated, “What I mean,” he said, “is I’d like to see something real cheap.”

So the clerk handed him a mirror.

A Bus Full Of House Wives Met
An Accident And All The Ladies Died.

Husbands Cried For A Week.

A Man Was Still Found Crying Even After 2 Weeks, Because
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“His Wife Had Missed The Bus”

A large, two-engined train was making it’s way across America. While crossing the Western mountains, one of the engines broke down.

“No problem, we can make it to Denver and get a replacement engine there.” the engineer thought, and carried on at half power.

Farther on down the line, (if you didn’t guess) the other engine broke down, and the train came to a standstill in the middle of nowhere.

The engineer needed to inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and always trying to look on the bright side of things, made the following announcement: “Ladies and Gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time until the additional engines arrive. The good news is that you didn’t take this trip in a plane!”

Newton ‘s Method:

Let, the lion catch you.

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Implies you caught lion.

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Einstein Method:

Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.

Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon.

Now you can trap it easily.

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Software Engineer Method:

Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion.

If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.

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Indian Police Method:

Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion .

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Rajnikanth Method :

Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime.

The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.

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Jayalalitha Method:

Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it’s sleeping !

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Manirathnam Method (director):

Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark room with a single candle lighted.

Keep murmuring something in its ears.

The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.

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Karan Johar Method (director):

Send a lioness into the forest.

Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other.

Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion.

First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness.

But 2nd lioness loves both lions.

Now send another lioness (third) into the forest.

You don’t understand right… Ok….read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont!

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Yash Chopra method (director):

Take the lion to Australia or US.. And kill it in a good scenic location.

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Govinda method:

Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days. The Lion will drop dead just watching!

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Menaka Gandhi method:

Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.

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George bush method:

Link the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him!!!

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Ravi Shastri method:

Ask the lion to bowl at u.

U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run

Lion tired and surrenders

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An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn’t get out of her room.

“You can’t get out of your room?” the captain asked, “Why not?”

The stewardess replied, “There are only three doors in here, “she cried,” one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says ‘Do Not Disturb’!”

A SARDAR was caught by police:
People: how did you kill 50 people??
.
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Sardar said: I was driving my car at 40 mph, but when i tried to stop… i found that i have no breaks…
I saw two men walking in the street and a wedding going at the other side of the street…
who should i hit???
The polics man said: of course the two men….less damage,,,
Sardar: Thats what i thought to myself, but when i did it. i hit only one and the other ran to the wedding, so i went after him

Starting the day with a conversation between a wife and a husband who happens to be a software engineer.

Husband: (Returning late from work) “Good Evening Dear, I’m now logged in.”

Wife: Have you brought the grocery?

Husband: Bad command or file name.

Wife: But I told you in the morning

Husband: Erroneous syntax. Abort?

Wife: What about my new TV?

Husband: Variable not found…

Wife: At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping.

Husband: Sharing Violation. Access denied…

Wife: Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just being funny?

Husband: Too many parameters…

Wife: It was a great mistake that I married an idiot like you.

Husband: Data type mismatch.

Wife: You are useless.

Husband: It’s by Default.

Wife: What about your Salary?

Husband: File in use… Try after some time.

Wife: What is my value in the family.

Husband: Unknown Virus.