10) ”They told me at the blood bank this might happen.”
9) ”This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to.”
”Whew! Guess I left the top off the Wite-Out. You probably got here just in time!”
7) ”I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on [...]

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m really quite busy.
Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

A blonde woman and a red-headed woman are taken hostage by terrorists. The women are taken to a remote island and put before a firing squad. But first, the terrorists ask the red-headed woman if she has any last words. The red-head points and says, “Twister!” The terrorists ran in all different directions and the [...]

A Catholic, a Baptist, and a Mormon are bragging about the size of their families.
“I have four boys and my wife is expecting another. One more son and I’ll have a basketball team!” said the Catholic.
“That’s nothing!” said the Baptist. ”I have ten boys now, and my wife is pregnant with another child. One more [...]

Cindy Lou Edleman Performs Quality Sexual Favors
Your Mother and Father Are of the Same Genetic Background
Mexicans Smell Vaguely of Jalapenos
Last Night You Enjoyed Carnal Pleasures With Your Sister
Your Intelligence Quota is Dubious at Best
For a Moderate Fee I Believe Your Mother Would Fellate Me
You Have Had Intimate Relations With a Person of African Descent and [...]

A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, “Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?”
The husband just looked at his wife and said, “What do I look like, Mr.Plumber?”
A few days went [...]

A 747 was starting its descent and the pilot had forgotten to turn off the P.A. system.
”As soon as I clock off” he said, ”I’m going to have a nice cold beer and then screw the arse off that blonde flight attendant.” The horrified flight attendant made a dash toward the cockpit, but tripped over [...]

When you are dating….. Farting is never an issue.
When you are married ….You make sure there’s nothing flammable near your husband at all
times.
When you are dating….. He takes you out to have a good time.
When you are married ….He brings home a 6 pack, and says “What are you going to
drink?”
When you are dating….. He [...]

A woman goes over to her married son’s house and walks in to find her daughter-in-law sitting in a chair, entirely nude. The mother-in-law said, “What the hell are you doing?” “I’m wearing my love dress,” responds the daughter-in-law, “We haven’t made love in a while, so I wore it.” So the mother-in-law says, “Hm, [...]

A man approaches a beautiful woman in a supermarket.
“I’ve lost my girlfriend,” he tells her. “Can you stand here and talk to me for a few minutes?”
“Sure, but I don’t understand how that would help,” she replies.
“Well, every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours, my girlfriend appears out of nowhere.”

A female officer arrests a drunk. She warns him, “You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you.”
The drunk replies, “Boobs.”

A woman pregnant with her first child paid a visit to her obstetrician’s office.
After the exam, she shyly said, “My husband wants me to ask you…,” to which the doctor replies, “I know, I know,” placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in [...]