An applicant was filling out a job application.
When he came to the question, “Have you ever been arrested?”
he wrote, “No.
” The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was “Why?”
The applicant answered it anyway: “Never got caught.”
Criminal Mastermind
Bank Account
Man: I could go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?
Man: I offer you myself.
Woman: I am sorry I never accept cheap gifts.
Man: I want to share everything with you.
Woman: Let’s start from your bank account.
Boy OR Girl…
A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?
B: It’s a girl. She’s my daughter.
A: Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t know that you were her father.
B: I’m not. I’m her mother.
Dirty Joke
A: Do you want to hear a dirty joke?
B: Ok
A: A white horse fell in the mud.
Never argue with kids
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, “What’s the matter, haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?”
Swallowed by a whale!!!!
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat
was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow [...]
Blood Circulation…
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.
Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, “Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.”
“Yes,” the class said. “Then why is it that while I am [...]
God is Watching…
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is watching.” Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the
table was [...]
The power of love
Wife : You keep my photo in the wallet all the time?
Husband : Sure honey. When I have problems, I will look at your photo and the problems always seem to be gone.
Wife : See? I am your miracle right?
Husband : Of course. when I look at you I realize that what in the world [...]