My Stupid Acts

A silly tourist asked a boat guy:

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do you know Biology, Psychology, Geography, Geology ?

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The boat guy said:

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NO to all the questions.

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The tourist then said:

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What the hell you know on the face of this earth ? You will die of illiteracy !!

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After a while, the boat started sinking, so the boatman asked the tourist :

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Do you know Swimology and Escapology from Crocodilogy ?

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The tourist said: NO !!

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The boat guy replied:

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Well you will Drownology and Crocodilogy will eat your Bodiology and you will Dieology because of your Badmouthology :

There was a man who worked all of his life and saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, “Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife.”
So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.
Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said “Wait just a minute!”
She had a shoe box with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away. Her friend said, “I hope you weren’t crazy enough to put all that money in the casket.”
“Yes,” the wife said, “I promised. I’m a good Christian, I can’t lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.”
“You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?”
“I sure did. I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check.”

After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.

“How about some perfume?” he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50.

“That’s a bit much,” said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.

“Thats still quite a bit,” Tom groused.

Growing disgusted, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle.

Tom grew agitated, “What I mean,” he said, “is I’d like to see something real cheap.”

So the clerk handed him a mirror.

southern town there was a “Nativity Scene” that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me.

The three wise men were wearing firemen’s helmets.

Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a “Quik Stop” on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, “You stupid Yankees never do read the Bible!” I assured her that I did, but simply couldn’t recall anything about firemen in the Bible.

She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said “See, it says right here, ‘The three wise man came from afar.’”

Some engineers are trying to measure the height of a flag pole.
They only have a measuring tape and are quite frustrated trying to keep the tape along the pole.
It falls down all the time.
A mathematician comes along and asks what they are doing.
They explain it to him.
“Well, that’s easy…”
He pulls the pole out of the ground, lays it down, and measures it easily.
After he has left, one of the engineers says: “That’s so typical of these mathematicians! What we need is the height – and he gives us the length!”

A Bus Full Of House Wives Met
An Accident And All The Ladies Died.

Husbands Cried For A Week.

A Man Was Still Found Crying Even After 2 Weeks, Because
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“His Wife Had Missed The Bus”

A large, two-engined train was making it’s way across America. While crossing the Western mountains, one of the engines broke down.

“No problem, we can make it to Denver and get a replacement engine there.” the engineer thought, and carried on at half power.

Farther on down the line, (if you didn’t guess) the other engine broke down, and the train came to a standstill in the middle of nowhere.

The engineer needed to inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and always trying to look on the bright side of things, made the following announcement: “Ladies and Gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time until the additional engines arrive. The good news is that you didn’t take this trip in a plane!”